A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.”
“Sure it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
This joke has been brought to you by Mikey’s Funnies, a free daily joke email service that can be found at http://www.mikeysfunnies.com/
This holiday season, I vow to act like a child.
I will not sit still. I will get up or get out and move every day. I will skip to the mailbox, I will dance in the kitchen, I will walk around the block, I will jump up and down in anticipation. I will do it because it makes me feel good, not because I have to.
I will be a picky eater. If I don’t love it, I won’t finish it. I will not waste stomach capacity on mediocre food. The only exception is if the cook is watching me. If the cook is watching, I will make an interesting comment to draw attention to my eating their dish—“Mmm, is that nutmeg in these mashed potatoes?”—and then push the remaining food to the edges of my plate and cover it with a napkin. If I love a food I will savor it, licking my fingers (discreetly) and ignoring the world around me until it’s gone.
I will ask “why?” I will listen to the Christmas story at church and to carols on the radio and I will ask “Why? Why? Why?” until the only answers left are “Because God loves us so much, he came down and saved us himself” and “I don’t know, He just does.”
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14
I’m thankful for the variety of fresh and frozen fruits and vegetables available to me from around the world. I’m thankful for easy access to clean drinking water.
Sister: Mom wants your to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.
Brother: Why? Is it broken?
I’m thankful for grandparents who ate vegetables and took daily walks. I can see the results of their healthy living as they enter their 90’s and I tell you, it’s worth it.
Pedro: I was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but I sat on them.
Westy: What are you serving now?
I’m thankful that my body adapts to my habits whether good or bad. Every day is new and gives me a chance to start fresh.
Q: What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
A: Wing, Wing! Wing, Wing!
I’m thankful for you, my readers. Happy Thanksgiving!
Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken,let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe. Hebrews 12:28
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This Saturday September 30th I will be co-co-co-co-co-hosting an author Facebook event with contests and giveaways including the chance to win an autographed copy of my book Sex, Soup, and Two Fisted Eating: Hilarious Weight Loss for Wives. A variety of authors will take turns hosting all day, so come check it out for cool conversation, great books, and freebies.
From 8:30-9:00 a.m. I’ll be sharing some fun facts about diet, exercise, and health in ancient Rome (the event is sponsored by a Roman romance series). Here’s a joke to get us started: A Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
Click here for the Love & Warfare Facebook event and a whole lot of fun!