Tag Archives: talking plate

Dear Jane Letter

dear Jane letter illustrationsIt’s not you, it’s me. I’m no good for you. They say size doesn’t matter, but I’m just too big. You need someone smaller.

I know, I know, we’ve been together since that sale in ’04, but it’s time you moved on, looked for someone new. You have a lot to offer: spacious cabinets, a working dishwasher. You’ll be okay, Kiddo. You’ll be better than okay.

I have a 12” diameter, for crying out loud! The box said “dinner plate” but I’ve always felt more like a serving platter. A 10 incher would be good for you. 34.5 fewer square inches—that’s the volume of four slices of bread. Truth be told, I could see you happy with a slim 8” model.

dear Jane letter illustrations_0001Salad, shmalad, if you put dinner on it, it’s a dinner plate, right? An 8” plate would hold less than half the volume that I do. Less than half!

You won’t miss me. You won’t notice the difference after a few days, but your body will.

Is there someone else? Not yet, no, but there’s the dream of someone else—like a sumo wrestler or a teenage boy.


Make a plate of pure gold and engrave on it as on a seal: holy to the Lord. Exodus 28:36 (NIV)