Tag Archives: weight loss humor

I’m addicted to Abs

I’m sure you’re all wondering how Abs for Money is coming along so I’ll tell you. I’m up to $5 in book money and I’ve discovered a way to make planking addictive. Technically I’m addicted to playing Fishdom, but I’ve discovered I can Plank and Play so it’s working.

fishdomFishdom is like any other match-3-or-more-and-clear-the-tiles game and therefore sucks away quarter hours by the handful with “one more try and I’ll quit, I promise”. Each level takes approximately 3 minutes to attempt which is deliciously equal to my 3 minute goal for abs per day. I set the timer on my phone for 3 minutes and get into plank position, then switch to Fishdom and start playing. The game distracts my brain from my screaming abs and–more often than not–when the timer goes off, I want to try the level again so I set  the timer again and go.

knee plankI’ve also discovered that you can plank on your knees. I hadn’t realized how long it’d been since I planked for real (on toes and elbows or hands like a push-up) and when my plank lasted a measly ten seconds, I said “Hmm, if you can alter push ups, why not planks?” It’s easier (obviously) on your knees and elbows, but it still works your abs and it keeps your hands free for playing Fishdom. This week I’m going to try going to toes again now that my abs are enormous…ly warmed up. Maybe.

If my elbows are tired of planking, I’ll flip over onto my back and hold my legs out at a 45 degree angle from the floor while I play.  How do you know when you’ve reached 45 degrees? Your abs will burn and you’ll want to drop your legs: that’s the sweet spot. If you look at your toes and it seems more like 85 degrees than 45, just listen to your abs: if they’re unhappy, you got it right.

The only time Plank and Play doesn’t work is when my kids see me on the floor and jump on my back. Maybe someday I’ll be able to plank with a child riding me, but I’ll need to defeat a few hundred Fishdom levels first.

 

Images courtesy of: Get Healthy U (knee plank) and Playrix and Google (Fishdom)

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Mindless Diet Drones: Become One Today!

Diet DroneCan’t seem to stay on track with your fitness and healthy eating goals? Diet Drones™ can help! When you become a mindless Diet Drone™, you’ll stop thinking and start doing.

Deciding whether or not to exercise can be time consuming and leave you feeling like a failure. Don’t suffer through agonizing indecision again! With Diet Drone™, you decide the frequency and intensity of your exercise, press the Activate Drone button, and you can stop thinking about it. Your Diet Drone™ self will exercise whether she feels like it or not.

Diet Drones™ stick to a pre-determined exercise schedule. When life happens and that schedule is interrupted by sick children, snow storms, or dentist appointments, Diet Drones™ adjust to the day and simply return to their pre-determined schedule after the interruption.

Give a Diet Drone™ a shopping list and she’ll stick to it, buying only what is needed. Diet Drones™ are pre-programmed to avoid the ice cream and cookie aisles and come equipped with automatic blinders that pop up when passing a bakery or racks of candy.

The secret to Diet Drone’s™ success is its patented Second Thoughts Blocker™. Once you’ve made a healthy decision, you’ll never talk yourself out of it again!

Becoming a Diet Drone™ is as easy as 1-2-3.

  1. Decide on your health goal: weight loss, fiber increase, touch your toes, etc.
  2. Choose a plan of action to reach your health goal. Select exercise activities and frequency, bedtimes, beverages, even menu items and portion size.
  3. Push the Activate Drone button and let your brain take a back seat. Your Diet Drone™ self will mindlessly follow your chosen action plan.

Diet Drones™ don’t stop for hormones. They don’t get bogged down in guilt. They don’t agonize over certain body parts and declare them hopeless. They march toward their goal because that goal is important because you are important.

Stop playing mind games and join our mindless ranks today! Diet Drones™: the way “someday” becomes today.

 

Then he took the Book of the Covenant and read it to the people. They responded, “We will do everything the Lord has said; we will obey.” Exodus 24:7 (NIV)