Category Archives: SEX: Sleep and Exercise

Yoda’s Yoga

images (5)“Do or do not. There is no try.”

Oh, if only I had a little green linguistically challenged trainer who could hang on my back, spouting guru encouragement and inspiring me by lifting spaceships out of ponds. Instead, I have four little beige people I must dress and cobble and herd out the door like protesting cats. I feel like Luke when he sizes up that spaceship: I don’t think I’m strong enough. herdingcatsAnd why am I herding booger spurting beige cats wearing Spiderman masks into the spaceship stuck in a pond? To exercise. Be it rounding the block or driving to the YMCA, I am determined to burn a few hundred calories.

But I must be my own Yoda. “Use the Force, Katie.”

It’s great advice, actually: Do or do not, there is no try. Don’t think about it, just do it. When I think about going to the Y, I often talk myself out of it. I’ll go later. I’ll do some crunches while I watch TV tonight, I promise. It might rain. It’s raining. It did rain. Ooo, my weekly StumbleUpon email just arrived. I should probably clean instead. Pitiful.

There was one day just before Christmas when I finally tired of the filth that was my house (why clean in December when you can shop for presents?) and I cleaned for 3½ hours straight. That was a good workout. “The Force is strong in this one.” Unfortunately, that kind of cleaning bug only hits me on a solstice.

bigyoda2So I try not to think about it. Just do it. (Yes, Nike, I will accept sneakers as payment.) There is always something else I could do with that time, but nothing else I should do. And all of the stuff that needs to get done still gets done because exercise increases my energy. It’s kind of magical. Like Yoda.

“He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31

He is the REAL Force.

 

Images are from:

http://www.starwarsreport.com/tag/yoda/

http://starwarsaficionado.blogspot.com/2012/10/classic-image-wisdom-never-dies.html

http://imsdemons.pvp101.net/2013/12/guide-herding-cats-or-brief-guide-to.html

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Why I Don’t Run

I don’t run for exercise. Sometimes I wish I could, or would, because you burn so many calories so quickly, but it doesn’t work for me. I blame my boobs and my brain.

I know, all women have boobs, but my tatas are too big for running. (Note: I am not complaining, I am stating a fact. My boobs are wonderful; they’re just not built for running.) I have yet to meet a bra that can hold the Ladies in such a way that effectively fights the counter-bounce of gravity. To be comfortable, I have to tuck my elbows into my sides and make a shelf for my boobs with my forearms. Couple that with my gasping for air and I look like an asthmatic Tyrannosaurus Rex lumbering along.Trex run

My husband runs almost every day. I tried once. When I complained that I couldn’t breathe, he helpfully advised me to count to four as I breathe in and to four again as I breathe out. I tried it and it worked very well: I could breathe and running was easier, but I kept having flashbacks of Lamaze breathing during labor. Also, after two minutes of counting, my brain was bored. Me + bored + sweaty T-Rex = not a happy runner. I prefer to power walk while reading a book.

The only time I like to run is when I play soccer or some other competitive field sport. There’s something about chasing down my prey and stealing the ball that thrills me. It’s how T-Rexes like to run.

 

Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. (1 Corinthians 9:26)

 

A Tale of Two Scrooges

scrooge_5212Ebenezer Scrooge strolled briskly down the sidewalk. His cane tapped out a satisfying rhythm with the coins clinking in his pocket. Odd sounding footsteps approached him from behind—more of a webbed toe flap than a step. He knew that sound. He turned to greet his colleague, but didn’t slow his pace.

“Scrooge McDuck! What brings you out this fine morning?”

Scrooge grinned and narrowed his eyes. “Wouldn’t you like to know, laddie?”

Ebenezer allowed Scrooge to catch up and walk alongside him. He studied the duck out of the corner of his eyes. Two wealthy men out for a stroll the morning after that study was released? Hardly a coincidence. “How’s your heart, Scrooge?”

McDuck flapped his wings once and gave a little hop. To a passerby it would look like a well dressed duck ruffling his feathers, but Ebenezer knew he’d startled his fowl friend. He’d guessed correctly and by the scowl on McDuck’s face, McDuck knew it too.

“How’s your own heart, Ebenezer? Still cold as gold in an iceberg?”

Ebenezer laughed. “You’ve lost, McDuck!”

mcduckScrooge pumped his wings and walked faster. “You eat low fat, cholesterol free gruel every day. Your arteries are as clean as a newly minted coin.”

Ebenezer lengthened his strides. “And you chase all over the earth with those three nephews of yours hunting for treasure. You swim in gold doubloons every day. I, on the other hand, sit at my desk all day counting money! This is the first exercise I’ve had in years!”

The two millionaires glared at one another and increased their pace. Sweat glistened on their foreheads and Ebenezer’s top hat tilted to one side.

They were so intent on one another that they didn’t see a young woman roller skating down the sidewalk toward them. McDuck managed to fly up into the air at the last moment, but Ebenezer power walked into her and sent them both sprawling into the grass. Ebenezer pushed himself onto his knees.

“My apologies, Madame! Are you hurt?”

The woman sat up and inspected her elbow where a fresh scrape was oozing red. “Why weren’t you watching where you were going?”

Ebenezer pointed at McDuck who was just landing on the grass beside them. “This scoundrel was trying to save more money than me!”

The woman’s eyebrows reached for the clouds. “Excuse me?”

Scrooge pulled a Band-Aid from a pocket in his vest and handed it to the woman. “The Journal of the American Heart Association just released a study showing that people who exercise save more money on health care each year than people who don’t. This old crank thinks his heart is in worse shape than mine.”

The woman pulled open the Band-Aid. “I don’t understand. What does his heart have to do with it?”

mcduck-swimmingEbenezer picked up his cane and stood. “The study focused on heart disease because many other studies have already shown that exercise is directly linked to heart health. If exercisers with heart disease save money and non-exercisers with heart disease don’t, we can draw a straight line between exercise and saving money. It’s an A=B, B=C, therefore A=C scenario.”

Scrooge’s eyes twinkled like silver in sunlight. “Those scientists saved themselves a kilt-load of cash by building on the work of their predecessors.”

Ebenezer nodded. “Indeed.”

The woman laid the Band-Aid across her scrape and pressed it into place. “And you want your heart to be bad because…”

Ebenezer held out his hand and helped the woman to her feet. “Because exercisers without heart disease saved about 500 dollars per year, but exercisers with heart disease saved up to 2500 dollars!”

“And they used less prescription medication and had fewer visits to the hospital,” added Scrooge.

“So if you exercise, you save money. The unhealthier you are when you start exercising, the more money you save,” said the woman. The millionaires nodded. “But the more you exercise, the healthier your heart will be and the less money you’ll save next year.”

Ebenezer scratched his head and frowned.

Scrooge lifted a feathered finger. “You’re forgetting the most important thing, lass. If we exercise, we not only save that 500 dollars every year, but we’ll live longer to enjoy it!”

The woman laughed and skated off down the sidewalk. Scrooge and Ebenezer watched her go.

“Maybe we should try roller staking,” said Scrooge.

“Don’t be ridiculous, McDuck, skates cost money.”

Scrooge winked up at his friend. “I can borrow them from my nephews.”

 

 

*http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2016/09/08/price-of-healthcare-report-american-heart-association-regular-exercise-save-money-2500-medical-costs-years/89992240/

*http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/want-to-keep-medical-costs-down-hit-the-gym_us_57d2d7b9e4b00642712d23c6

 

 

Images courtesy of: tvtropes.org (Ebenezer), gks2.com (McDuck), imgur.com (McDuck swimming)

Exercise, Weight Loss, and the Bible

p1020324The Bible as a lot to say about exercise. Unfortunately for our weight loss efforts, the Greek words translated as “exercise” have nothing to do with working out. The Bible talks about exercising kindness and authority, but has little to say on the subjects of weight lifting and lunges. Mostly we get are metaphors to “run the race” set out for us (Hebrews 12:1) and not to run or box aimlessly but to try to win the prize (1 Corinthians 9:24-36).

P1000582There is one reference to literal working out. The word “gymnasia” in Greek is used in Timothy 4:8 where we’re told that “physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come”. There we have it, folks, the biblical endorsement of physical exercise, a motto for Christian fitness instructors everywhere: physical training is of “some value”. It’s not exactly poster worthy motivation. But lucky for us, the Bible was not written to help us lose weight, but to point us to eternal things that are way more important than our physical bodies.

While I can’t memorize verses about “feeling the burn”, I do get encouragement to exercise from looking at creation, both the creation account in Genesis and my created body. Our bodies were clearly designed to move, i.e. to exercise. Adam and Eve were tasked with gardening and animal husbandry, both of which require physical effort. Our body benefits when we exercise and suffers when we don’t. Exercise helps regulate our hormones and blood sugar, and keeps our circulatory, excretory and respiratory systems in tip top shape.

2013 August 106Exercise doesn’t have to involve hours of sweat or debilitatingly sore muscles, it just has to get your blood pumping and your muscles moving. Every little bit of exercise adds up and adds benefit, even as little as two minutes.

My favorite verse for exercise is Job 39:13 because I, like the ostrich, do not look graceful when I exercise, but I flap joyfully!

 

What motivates you to exercise?

REM Sleep Song

Rapid Eye Movement (REM) Sleep is very important for the human body. How important? Sing along with me and find out!

music

REM sleep is like a toilet,

Flushing proteins from my head.

REM sleep is like a toilet,

Cleans my brain while I’m in bed.

 

REM sleep is like a good shrink,

Helps me process how I feel.

REM sleep is like a good shrink,

Glad or sad, it helps me deal.

 

REM sleep is like a movie,

Gives me dreams where I’m the star.

REM sleep is like a movie,

Sad or sweet or just bizarre.

music

REM sleep is like a Xanax,

Lowers stress and blood pressure.

REM sleep is like a Xanax,

Boosts my mood, yup, that’s for sure.

 

REM sleep is like a Post It,

Replays memories like a flick.

REM sleep is like a Post It,

Makes my short term memory stick.

 

REM sleep is like a tutor,

Helps me retain what I’ve learned.

REM sleep is like a tutor,

Owe it all the A’s I’ve earned.

music

REM sleep is like light bulb,

Make connections, mental leap.

REM sleep is like a light bulb,

Solve a problem while I sleep.

 

REM sleep is pretty special,

Make it a priority.

REM sleep is pretty special,

Sing its praises loud with me!

 

If you make a video of yourself singing this song, please send me the link!

 

“The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified.  He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.  Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee.There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” Matthew 28:5-7

 

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Sleep, Weight Loss, and the Bible

8Sleep is important. The Bible talks about sleep as a reward for those God loves (Psalm 127:2) and Sleepless nights are on the list of sufferings that Paul endured for the Gospel (2 Corinthians 6:5). Even Jesus, God in the flesh, made time to sleep, most famously during storms (Matthew 8:24). God created our bodies to sleep regularly and therefore sleep has a purpose; it’s a necessity, not a luxury.

Sleep cleans our minds, heals our bodies, resets our mood, and helps our weight loss efforts be more effective. A rested body has more energy to exercise, makes better decisions about food, has more weight-loss-related hormones pumping through it, and lets go of extra weight easier.

Today’s post is short, but I encourage you to click on the links above for a reminder of why sleep is so important. If you have trouble getting to bed on time, don’t forget one powerful resource at your disposal: your husband.

sleep lose weight

Bonus material:

One can argue that “sleep” and “rest” are two different things, but I think we modern humans struggle with both and the Bible talks about both, so here is some extra motivation to kick back, conk out, and stop striving.

God set an example: “Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” (Genesis 2:3)

Rest as eternal reward: “There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.” (Hebrews 4:9-11) 

Rest is good: “Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.” (Psalm 62:1)