Tag Archives: humor

Sex and Sleep: Start With S

With the busyness of the school year upon me, I find myself needing to get back to the basics, and I’m starting with the S in Sex: sleep.

Research shows that people who consistently get a full night’s sleep lose more body fat on a diet than those who don’t. (Fat is what I want to lose! Not my hard-earned muscle.) Science has also confirmed that when we’re tired, we not only eat more, but we crave high calorie foods. We all know the equation Tired = Want Sugar² to be true, but it’s nice when scientists agree with us. The emotional food craving part of our brain actually takes charge and the logical decision making part of our brain takes a back seat.

If you don’t trust the experts, do your own research. Ready? Get eight hours of sleep two nights in a row. Does a salad sound appetizing? Do you have the energy to make one? Good. Okay, now get six hours of sleep two nights in a row. What are the chances you’ll exercise today? Are fat and sugar your new best friends? Bingo.

So how do we get more sleep? For many of us, we simply haven’t made sleep a priority. Have you ever noticed how early you go to bed when the power is out or you’re camping? (i.e. When it’s dark, you’re bored.) Screens, be they television, ivision, or webvision, have a way of making us feel more awake than we are or should be. If you turn them off, you will increase your chances of going to bed on time by 200%. That was a scientific study done by yours truly. I aced 9^th grade Biology, so you know my results are accurate.

The more I research the affects of sleep on the body, the more convinced I’m becoming that few things are more important for your health. Now, some of you reading this work the night shift, or have newborns, or other situations in life that interrupt your sleep and are beyond your control. I know you’re sleeping the best you can and you have my sympathy and a pillow if you ever stop by to visit. I’m talking to myself and all of the other idiots out there who don’t know how lucky we are that if we choose to, we can be well rested.

Ladies, maybe you don’t have the will power to turn off the TV and get yourself into bed at a decent hour. But you have at your disposal one of the most powerful forces in nature: your husband’s desire for intimacy. Here’s how you tap into that power. Pick a night (or several nights) of the week and say this: “Husband, I want you to seduce me at nine o’clock tonight. I will say yes. I need to be asleep by ten.” Your husband will remember. He might be incredulous (after all, it sounds too good to be true) but he will remember. Nine o’clock rolls around and badda-bing, badda-boom – a good night’s sleep! (And exercise to boot! What a deal!)

Psalm 127:2 says that God “grants sleep to those he loves”. Sleep is a blessing! A gift! Not a necessary evil.

Science stuff pulled from http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/06/how-sleep-loss-adds-to-weight-gain/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

Posted by Katie Robles. Categories: SEX: Sleep and Exercise. Tags: getting to be on time, God, healthy living, humor, sex and exercise, sex and sleep, sleep, weight loss and sleep. 5 Comments

Sep. ’14

Falling Off the Wagon: What to Do After a Diet Fail

I don’t remember which weight loss blog I read this on, but I’ll never forget the quote: “When you get a flat tire, you change it and keep driving; you don’t pop the other three tires”. Fabulous, right?

We all have times when we fall off the health wagon. Why did I eat that? Why did I eat ALL of that? Why did I stay up so late? Lifting sofa cushions to find the remote counts as exercise, right?

There are weeks when my butt is firmly seated in the health wagon and I’m buckled up and facing front. There are also weeks when I’m more like a little kid who’s hanging over the side trying to hit the wheel with a stick. I’m still in the wagon, but I’m being stupid. I reach a little too far and suddenly I’m eating dirt. (Low in calories, but not recommended. It tastes awful, even covered in chocolate… I mean broccoli.)

What do you do when you fall off the health wagon? You get back on. Make better choices starting now, but don’t beat yourself up about the ones you already made. If beating yourself up counted as exercise, I’d say “Knock yourself out!” But it’s not, and that was a great pun, wouldn’t you agree?

In ten years it won’t matter that you fell, it’ll matter that you didn’t stay down in the dirt. Is falling off the wagon frustrating? You bet. Painful? Sometimes. Embarrassing? Sure. But you still have three good tires. Each day is a new day and each morning you wake up on the wagon. And next time that little kid won’t lean out quite so far to hit the wheel with a stick. Perfection is not realistic, so we’re not aiming for perfect here, we’re aiming for not-stupid.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

How have you handled a fall from the health wagon? What helps you get back on or stay on?

Posted by Katie Robles. Categories: Putting It All Together. Tags: aim for not stupid, diet fail, falling off the wagon, healthy living, humor, low calorie dirt, Weight loss. Leave a comment

Jul. ’14

Two Fisted Blueberry Recipes

During blueberry season each summer, my family eats about a pound of berries a day. I’d like to share a couple of my favorite blueberry recipes with you. They can be prepared in under a minute, are chock full of antioxidants, and have no added sugar or preservatives. As a bonus feature, if you try all three recipes in the next 24 hours, you get a free gentle colon cleanse.

Two Fisted Blueberries

1. Wash blueberries.

2. Grab two fistfuls of blueberries (don’t squeeze too hard unless your fists are hovering over toast and you’re looking to make Instant Jam).

3. Empty your fists into your mouth at a non-choking rate of speed and say “Mmm-mm-mm-mm-mmmmm”.

Blueberry Cereal

1. Fill bowl with blueberries. (Sometimes I add some Cheerios.)

2. Add milk and eat with a spoon.

3. When your children ask you what you’re eating, say “Blue Sugar Bombs, but you can’t have any”.

Two Fisted To Go Cup

1. Fill plastic cup with blueberries.

2. Carry it around with you and periodically shake berries into your mouth. This is great for car rides. Nothing draws stares at a red light like chewing your beverage.

“Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so.” Genesis 1:11

And I’m so glad He did!

Posted by Katie Robles. Categories: Interesting Tidbits. Tags: blueberries, blueberry recipe, humor, maintaining a healthy weight. 3 Comments

Jul. ’14

Diet Dictionary: Hiking In The Woods

Posted by Katie Robles. Categories: Cartoons. Tags: exercise ideas, humor, maintaining a healthy weight, personal trainer, Weight loss. 1 Comment

Jun. ’14

Why I Love Swimming At The YMCA

There are many excellent forms of exercise to choose from, but swimming laps is my favorite by far. Let me tell you why swimming at my local YMCA is so great.

1. No sweat! I like to hike, walk, bike, and so forth, but I don’t like to sweat. Ever. I avoid it whenever I can. When I swim, I feel cool and fresh the whole time. I’m going to invent a bike bubble that allows you to pedal down the street surrounded by cold water up to your waist.

2. Feel young and slender! I go to the Y mid-morning when the building is frequented by young moms and retirees. 95% of the young moms are on the elliptical machines or in the aerobics classes, which means that most days I can boast of having the sexiest body in the swimming pool!

3. Hope for the future! There are some days when the best body in the pool award goes to a swimmer in his or her seventies or eighties. While this is humbling, it proves to me that swimming is something I can keep doing for the rest of my life.

4. Full body workout! I love that I swim and then I’m done. Swimming laps works my arms, legs, heart, and lungs.

5. Safer snorkeling! On a planet that’s 70% water, swimming is a life saving skill and it doesn’t hurt to be good at it. After I’d been swimming for six months, my husband and I had the opportunity to snorkel in the ocean off the coast of Mexico. We were fighting waves and currents as we swam and I was so proud of being able to handle myself well in that water.

I realize that not everyone likes to swim. A good friend of mine came swimming with me once, but she didn’t like it. She likes to sweat. She likes to work each part of her body separately and feel the burn. She’s crazy.

If you don’t like your current exercise, try something new and find something you enjoy. Roller skating, biking, hiking, cross country skiing, zumba, kick boxing, square dancing…find a way to move your body and love it!

“What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?

You made them rulers over the works of your hands; the animals of the wild, the birds in the sky, and the fish in the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.

Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!” (excerpts from Psalm 8)

Posted by Katie Robles. Categories: SEX: Sleep and Exercise. Tags: exercise ideas, God, healthy living, humor, maintaining a healthy weight, Physical exercise, YMCA. 2 Comments

May. ’14

Mouth Shoveling

I’ve been shoveling a lot lately. No, no, this is not another gardening post. I’ve been shoveling food into my mouth.

The change from savoring each bite to racing through my plate has been gradual, but at this point I feel like one of those guys in the bowels of a ship shoveling coal into the furnace as fast as I can go, but without the well earned bulging biceps.

Now that I’m aware of it, I’m returning to square one: slow down and savor my food. No more Eating AND: Eating AND watching TV, Eating AND cooking, Eating AND reading the Bible over breakfast. If I’m eating, that’s all I’m doing; it’s a form of entertainment. I love food that tastes good, so I need to pay attention and truly taste it…or eat plain lettuce, a shovel-approved food if there ever was one.

Why is it so important for me to slow down and savor? Because I eat less when I eat slow and I enjoy my food more.

If you’ve gotten off track over the winter like I have, don’t despair. Get your wheels back on track and let your bicep boys – not your fork – shovel you to victory! Who are your bicep boys in this analogy? Um…I don’t know. How about we end this post before I lose you completely?

Today I wish you booooon aaaappeeetiiiiite! Slow motion. Get it? That was so corny, you can taste it.

May your every bite be satisfying and a blessing to your body!

“Taste and see that the Lord is good;

blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.” Psalm34:8

Posted by Katie Robles. Categories: TWO FISTED EATING: Portion Control and Enjoyment. Tags: food, God, humor, maintaining a healthy weight, Weight loss. 2 Comments

May. ’14

Cartoon: Perspective

Posted by Katie Robles. Categories: Cartoons. Tags: Diet, healthy living, humor, maintaining a healthy weight, Weight loss. 1 Comment

Apr. ’14

Can I Eat That? Random Leaf Stirfy

This week we ate the first fruits of our garden! The turnip plants were about four inches tall and I thinned them and tossed the rejected plants into some stirfry with delicious results. For you non-gardeners out there, “thinning” plants means pulling (or cutting) the extra baby plants from a row to give the plants that remain room to grow. The “baby” plants are what you see sold in stores in plastic bags and labeled…wait for it…baby kale, baby spinach, baby arrugula, etc. Baby plants are popular because they’re tender and sweeter than the grown up plants. Ever eat overly mature greens (spinach, kale, turnip, etc)? If it weren’t for the wilting, you could make shoes out of them.

I used to pitch the pulled plants along with the weeds, but then I discovered that you can eat them! You can eat the leaves of turnips, radishes, beets, and broccoli, as well as the obvious “leaf” plants such as lettuce, spinach, chard, and kale. When I found out that we can eat the whole plant, I was thrilled. My kids were not. I’m under no delusions: my present goal is not to make my kids like vegetables; that will come in time. My goal is to convince them that they can eat a green leaf from the garden and not die. I suppose I’m trying to convince a few of you readers as well.

Let’s do a quick science class review. The parts of a plant? Root, stem, leaf, flower, fruit, seed. Depending on the plant, you can eat some or all of these parts. Quick quiz! Ready?

Which part can you eat from a carrot plant?
Root. Nice work, too easy.

Green bean plant?
Fruit and seeds. Excellent. The bean is actually the seed pod (fruit) and as the pod matures, it gets thin and tough and the seeds inside become hard; these seeds are what we see in the stores as dried beans in bags or canned beans (think Baked Beans, black beans, kidney beans, etc). Cool, huh? This summer I’m going to plant some dried black beans from the store and see what happens.

Turnip, beet, or radish?
When it’s young, you can eat the whole plant! Root, leaves, stem. Once it flowers, the plant is so tough; you’d be hard pressed to choke down any part of it.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you run outside and begin eating anything green in sight. No, that would be crazy. When you find a plant you think is edible, you should first Google it and base your consumption on unverified comments from an unqualified person on a random website. (I’m kidding! Although that’s exactly what I did….) What I am suggesting is that you try a new vegetable this week!

“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”
Isaiah 43:19a

Posted by Katie Robles. Categories: SOUP: Water and Vegetables. Tags: Diet, food, humor, maintaining a healthy weight, SOUP: Water and Vegetables, turnip plants, Vegetable, Weight loss. 2 Comments

Apr. ’14

3 More 100 Calories Snacks

Geese keep flying north past my house, so in honor of Mother Goose…yadda yadda yadda, let’s get to the food!

1. The Creamy: 1/3 cup of cottage cheese, a teaspoon of jam, and some berries. To make cottage cheese, a chemical called rennin is added to milk and the proteins either clump together (curds) or stay liquid (whey). Since we’re eating our curds and whey, I call it the Little Miss Muffet.

2. The Crunchy: 1 Tablespoon of hummus and a plate full of vegetables. Disclaimer: to keep the calories to 100, there should only be 10 carrots on the plate, but it sure is prettier this way! I call it the Jack Sprat. “Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean…”

3. The Vegetative: A peck of (non) pickled peppers. Or about a dozen small sweet peppers if you’re counting. I call it the Peter Piper. Pick yourself a peck and happy munching!

Posted by Katie Robles. Categories: Interesting Tidbits, SOUP: Water and Vegetables. Tags: Calorie, curds and whey, Diet, Eating, food, Fruit and Vegetable, healthy living, humor, maintaining a healthy weight, Weight loss. 3 Comments

Apr. ’14

March Abness Results

I did it! 3100 crunches in 31 days! And the results are in: I lost 1 inch from my waist!

If you find it, let me know. Har har har. But isn’t that cool? For those of you who’ve been wondering (myself included) if that little bit of exercise you’re doing is making a difference: IT IS.

You know those Ab machine infomercials that show flabby tummies turning into six packs in 90 days, just 3 minutes a day? I’m beginning to suspect that ANY ab exercises for 3 minutes a day for three months will make a huge difference. It takes me about 3 minutes to do 100 crunches; that includes a few little breathers to let my ab muscles un-clench and the pain to subside.

Three minutes! That’s all it takes. I do them best while I watch TV. So, if you’re watching CSI, you do crunches until they find the body. Walking Dead? Crunch until a body finds them. Big Bang Theory? Crunch while Sheldon explains something, anything, to Penny. American Idol fan and want a real challenge? Crunch from when they say “Up next we announce the results of last week’s voting” and keep going until they actually tell you the results. I bet you could beat my 3100 in one show.